


Love Everlasting

by Nadja_Lee



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Afterlife, Eternity, Everybody Lives, M/M, Resurrection, Romance, Sappy, Soulmates, Spirits, Supernatural Elements, Together forever, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-04
Updated: 2009-04-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23019586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: Some loves do last forever
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 2
Kudos: 317





	Love Everlasting

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Supernatural elements, death fic yet not I guess. I live in a world of denial; Generations does not exist in any shape or form so Kirk and Spock’s life played out (in this fic at least) in the manner I hope is made clear as you read along.

Death is a natural part of life. Accepting it as unavoidable is therefore logical.

“We… we had some good times, didn’t we Spock?” McCoy’s voice is soft, hoarse and weak.

I can hear his heartbeat grew fainter, I can sense his lifeforce leaving him. We are on Terra, in a house he brought 21.6 years ago for him and his human wife. They found each other late in life, after he had retired from Starfleet, but they were happy through the years they shared here on the planet which bore him and which he always loved so fiercely. What was more; my bondmate found great satisfaction in McCoy’s happiness as if this fact had made the last piece of his life’s puzzle fall into place. Even if not McCoy over the years had become my friend as well as Jim’s this fact alone would have made me fight to ensure the good Doctor’s happiness.

“We did,” I reply to McCoy, amazed that my voice sound so together when emotions are threatening my hard won control.

I am sitting by his bedside, my hands folded neatly in the lap of my long black Vulcan robe. Inside I am shattering yet outside I fight to remain strong; in control…. calm. We are alone; his family has already said their goodbyes and he asked for me to be with him as he takes the last few steps of his life’s journey.

McCoy looks at me and smiles a smile which seem to make him many years younger. A wiggled and slightly shaking hand finds mine and squeezes as hard as his weak body allows. I do not pull away; I need the touch as much as he need to give it.

Worry is in McCoy's eyes when he says, “I’m sorry we leave you behind.”

Leave me behind…. Jim. Forever in my soul, my thoughts and the place Humans call heart. Yet parted from me for 2.8 years.

We Bonded as our first 5-year mission came to an end. It was he who took the first step of course. For days he courted me the Human way with dinners and shared activities until finally he bared his soul. He didn’t speak; he didn’t even move. He had simply given me a look filled with love and asked of me, “Meld with me, Spock. Join your mind to mine and see all what is yours.”

I did and never looked back. I saw the beauty if his soul, the depth of his love and the compatibility of his mind to mine. I saw the timelessness and strength of the devotion he had in me. Through our Bonding I learned to accept my duel inherence and we shared the rest of his lifetime together. I learned the meaning of happiness; I learned the depth of love and the true meaning of sacrifice. He was Human and thus I knew he would one day be lost to me yet still the loss came too soon. He had retired from active duty and had joined me on several diplomatic missions as I had joined the Diplomatic Corp after my Father. When Jim had left Starfleet I had felt no desire to remain. For years this arrangement had been both beneficial and emotionally satisfying for us both. It gave us more time for ourselves than we had ever had before. Still, the time was not enough. My only comfort is that he died as he had lived; a man of action. In my effects to bring peace between the Romulan race and the Federation I had made many enemies; more than when the Klingons had joined us in peace many years previously.

We had been on a Diplomatic mission when a group of well organised, well funded and surprisingly well trained assassins had attacked while Jim and I were alone in our assigned quarters. Our bodyguards got several of them, Jim and I limited their numbers further yet not before one of them had thrown a dagger at me; a dying act after his phaser had been knocked from him. Jim had jumped before me before I had had time to move and the dagger had pierced his heart. He died 7.7 minutes later in my arms; a soft smile on his lips when I had assured him I was unharmed, all lines of pain and worry seemingly disappearing from his face when he knew with certainly I was undamaged.

His dying words echo to this day in my mind every waking minute, “Parted from me….yet never parted. I will see you again, Spock. I know I will.” Oh, t’hy’la, how I wish this could be true yet my logic does not permit me to believe in miracles…. Nor in an afterlife.

“I shall survive,” I reply to McCoy’s words to calm him. A being’s last journey should be made in peace; in particular the last journey of a friend.

“I know…but life is so much more,” he says, his voice sad, tired and compassionate.

I do not reply for there is nothing to say. He gives my hand a reassuring squeeze and I suddenly find the situation absurd; I should be comforting him in these last minutes yet like my lost bondmate it is him who comforts me. His eyes leave my face and stares at the ceiling as if finding the answers to the unanswered questions of his life within its cool and detailed exterior.

5.8 minutes passes in silence before a soft smile begins to spread over his lips. “I see him, Spock. I see him now.”

His voice is filled with wonder and joy. I do not know what to reply.

“I was not aware you were a religious man,” I say softly.

His smile softens and widens, a teasing gleam enters his old eyes. “Not God; I see Jim.”

For one brief second my heart beat faster and I feel an illogic urge to turn around to look for the one soul, the one person, I have longed for for what feels like forever but has been mere months. McCoy has always assumed he would be the first to go; losing Jim was almost as hard on him as on me. “Then…” I hesitate, my voice failing as I feel a lump in my throat, “then you must go to him.”

“He shines,” McCoy says but then his smile faints just a fraction. “He misses you. So much.” I can sense his sadness through our connected hands yet then his mood improves instantly.

“I’ll keep him company till you arrive,” McCoy announces with satisfaction as if he has solved a tough puzzle.

I do not know what to say. I feel humbled, brought out of balance. The servered bond from Jim’s death is still searching the dark reaches of space for what has been lost and here….here McCoy speaks as if he has found that which is most valuable to me. Still, though I wish more than ever to believe him I know his words are only a figment of his imagination; it cannot be true. Yet for just one minute I long for the very Human ability to live in the unreal, the illogical.

“Then you must go, Leonard,” I say softly, fighting to get the words out.

His smile is back as he acknowledges my words with an almost invisible nod of his head. The smile stays on his lips as his hand goes limp in mine. He is gone. I am alone.

I pull my heavy robe closer; since Jim’s death I have felt chilled to my soul. Now I know what little warmth I had left, the last connection to my beloved t’hy’la, is gone. I gently fold his hands in his lap and rise to continue a life that no longer holds any meaning for me.

* * *

Duty and willpower kept me alive for 4.6 years after the death of my t’hy’la. My Vulcan body would have granted me many years still yet I had no desire to claim them. Life held no meaning for me any longer. I finished the life projects I had and settled my affairs. I chose my own passing, the time and the place. Jim and I had acquired many homes over the years. One of these had been a large and luscious apartment in San Francisco on Terra. It was in this bed we had last made love before the fateful mission which would take my bondmate from me forever. It was here I chose to end my days; among the memories and echoes of a love I had illogically hoped would last forever.

Riding wave after wave of memories I slip into a deeper and deeper meditation from which there will be no awakening. I feel my lifeforce slipping from me and I know this is the end. I do not regret the choices, which has brought me here; only that I did not spend more time with my bondmate while there was time. I expect nothing, seek nothing but peaceful nothingness; escape from the constant sense of loss and hollowness Jim’s death has brought me. I am lingering on the edge of life when I sense warmth enfold my body and a light so bright I mentally shield my eyes appear before me. The light slowly fades in intensity and there he is. Jim. T’hy’la. My joy is boundless and flows through me like a river.

“Jim!” The word is a prayer, a command, and a plea.

Jim goes to me, smiling happily. He’s naked and looks as he did when I first saw him take command of the Enterprise so many years ago. As the light fades away completely I see a pair of beautiful wings attached to his body. Puzzlement is overruled by pleasure when I finally hold my t’hy’la in my arms again. Our lips meet in a desperate, intense yet loving kiss. When he draws a little back, his arms remain around me and his eyes are shining like stars.

“I knew you would come,” he says happily, his smile and very being radiating joy and contentment. He fully lives up to the nickname my love gave him over the years of our Bonding; Golden One. My eternally Golden One; the only one who could ever brighten my life and my very soul.

“This is most illogical,” I say for I do not know what else to say. I find myself smiling widely at him but then my smile fades. “Are you real? How could you be?”

Jim nods. “I’m real.”

I look at him again and the wings disturb me, making me unable to forget this cannot be real. “You are not real. You’re an…”

Jim shakes his head and laughs. Warmth washes through me; how I have missed his golden laughter.

“No, I’m not an angel. I guess you must have heard more stories of angels from your mother than you thought because my appearance is of your making,” he says.

Jim raises an eyebrow in good imitation of me when he continues, “You are spotting a nice pair yourself.”

I suddenly realize my mental image is no longer how I usually appear; in my white meditation robe and in my current age. I too am young, as young as when I met him for the first time and I am also naked. However, most surprising is that I too am spotting wings. “Fascinating.”  
  


He laughs again and the sound washes the years of loss from my soul. “You can make them go away.”

Now I raise an eyebrow at him. “How?”  
  


“We are in your mind.”

“Then you too must be a creation of my mind.” A part of me insists this fact does not matter for in these few minutes I have once more tasted happiness. Yet loss once more threatens to take me for if he is not real he would then still be lost to me.

Jim shakes his head. “This is your mind but I am real.” He pauses and thinks for a few seconds before he continues, “When I died a part of me, a part of my essence, lingered at the edges of your consciousness. I was drawn to you by our Bond. I didn’t want to leave; I didn’t want to part from you.”

My joy returns; my happiness is beyond measure. He is truly here! “That would explain how I survived the severing of your Bond; the connection was not truly lost.”

I had wondered about this. Our Bond had been deep; a death bond. We had both wanted it that way. Yet when the time had come I had felt the pain and agony of separation yet death had escaped me. Jim’s essence, his Katra, had remained locked within me. As I realize this our appearance changes. We now appear as we were on the day of our Bonding at the conclusion of our first 5 year mission; young and clothed. His golden command uniform remains my favourite of all the ones he had and this is how I picture him when given the opportunity to manipulate even time itself. I appear in a Vulcan robe of black and silver I wore on our Bonding Day.

“I see you found him,” McCoy’s voice sounds from somewhere yet darkness remains around us; I cannot see him. I can weakly sense him; a warm, concerned and lightly teasing presence at the edges of my consciousness.

“I did,” we both reply, in union and then smile at each other. We are still embracing, unwilling to let go. He is truly here. We are truly one.

A hint of concern flows Jim’s eyes and I long to be able to remove it and once again only see happiness and love reflected in his expression. “I can’t hold him. He’s slipping further and further away each day. Please, Spock, is there anything you can do?”

I am shocked as I understand what must have happened. Through my physical connection with McCoy as he lay dying my Katra, and therefore Jim’s, would have touched his. Though Jim is no telepath he possesses a power, a raw strength I have never seen or felt in anyone else. By the power of his love for his friend – our friend – he must have pulled as much of McCoy’s essence towards him as he could, refusing – as always – to give up or admit defeat.

“I am truly sorry, t’hy’la….Leonard. I can only carry one Katra within my own,” I say softly, sadly. I wish I could grant my beloved everything yet even in life I could not do so. A single tear runs down his cheek and I gently wipe it away.

“Do not worry, Spock. I got to spend some time with Jim again and I leave knowing you are both happy. I will be fine,” McCoy’s voice flows to us from somewhere. It’s getting weaker. As I am nearing death my hold on Jim’s Katra grows stronger, pushing McCoy out. While he is a valued friend there was never any question or doubt; Jim’s back with me, his Katra is within me. I will not trade it for anything… or anyone.

“Bones….I’m sorry,” Jim says softly, saying his final farewell to his long-time friend. He hugs me close, his head on my shoulder, fighting to remain calm. Accepting defeat has always been the hardest thing for him to do. I hug Jim close to me, trying to shield him from the impending sorrow with my presence.

My body is seconds from death when an idea hits me. “McCoy, if you can hear me, let go of my essence. Don’t hold on to me.”

  
“What?” Jim sputters in confusion and pulls a little away so he can see my face yet trust and love is still in his eyes despite his confusion. He would step into a bottomless pit if I told him to do so and this knowledge warms my soul, finally melting away the last remains of ice his physical death caused me.

“Hang on to Jim instead. I can carry only one Katra inside my own yet Jim might be able to carry you inside his,” I explain to both McCoy and Jim.

Jim instantly brightens. “Great idea! Go ahead, Bones. Hang on to me,” Jim says, easily offering up a part of himself, a part of his own strength to carry his friend within him.

The last few seconds must have passed in the real world for suddenly I am free; my body gone my Katra is released with full strength. My essence glows and is finally free to completely intertwine with Jim. Both our essences dissolve and become glowing entities; his warm and golden, mine cool and silver. We meet and melt and become one. He is I and I am he. We are never alone; never parted. His love is mine; my love is his.

_We are One,_ His voice echoes through Us; filled with joy and wonder.

_Yes. Does it please you, t’hy’la?_

_Yes. Oh, yes, very much._ His essence inside Us pulsates warmth and joy. I project the same back.

_I can feel everything; I can see everything. Your love, your memories….your passion,_ Jim’s being echoes in wonder and pleasure. The Oneness we have become start to fill with passion and lust as images, memories, of physical love start to form. Until a mental voice, a teasing echo stops us.

_Wow. Slow down there a bit. No passion till after I’ve figured out a way to shield my….essence or whatever the Hell I am a little better._

_Bones!_

_Doctor._

Our delight at knowing he survived and is with us runs through us, sending out waves of welcome and joy.

 _I am pleased that you remained yet I admit to a certain sense of curiosity,_ the part of my which is most Vulcan from within the Oneness which is my t’hy’la and myself echoes the question.

_I did what you asked and hid within Jim’s….mind or whatever. The best I can explain it is that I am aware and can witness your joining or whatever it is but I remain separate…Thankfully! You know how much I care for you two but I wouldn’t want to be joined for all eternity to you like that._

Jim’s golden laughter runs through Us, filled with complete peace and happiness.

_I know you two want to get back on track with that mental equivalent of lovemaking so I’ll talk to you later,_ McCoy’s voice echoes with warm humour and loving teasing. Then his essence retreats and we are alone once more. We fill again with love and awe; the realization that we are together is still a wonder to us.

 _We are eternal?_ Jim’s being asks, needing the complete faith and certainly of this fact that only my Vulcan half can provide.

_Yes. We are forever._

His joy equals mine as he understands, knows through the One which we have become this certainty; this fact. We radiate love and contentment, which slowly turn to passion once more as we reclaim each other and our love.

I happily admit I was wrong; some loves do in fact last forever. I know ours does and will. For as long as there will be life in the Universe our Katras will remain; together forever, intertwined, one. We hold an everlasting love within us which transpired death and may even outlast the death of the whole Universe.

The end


End file.
